Tuesday, May 1, 2012

That doesn't make you a mommy...

I have a problem with the world these days. A big one. A few, actually. But one in particular really hits home.

What makes a mommy a mommy.

I'm a firm believer in there being a difference in being a mommy and being a mother. Just like there's a difference between being a daddy and being a father. HUGE difference. I'm taking, the size of moon craters.

Kidlet throwback.

Things That Don't Make You A Mommy:

1. Birthing a child. I'm sorry, but popping a kid out of your lady-bits doesn't qualify you to be a mommy. And, while I'm on the subject, it doesn't make you any less of a mother if you go all natural or have a c-section. Sorry, but it doesn't.

Dot, Oct. 31, 2008.
2. Breastfeeding. Just because you breadfeed does NOT make you a mommy. In some cases, it makes you lazy and cheap. In other cases, it can make you an abuser. If you're selfish enough to intake harmful substances into your body while nursing, you may as well be shoving it down the kid's throat. Ridiculous. Oh, and bottle feeding/formula feeding? That doesn't make you any LESS of a mother. At all. It's better than letting your kid starve, right? Come on, now, breastfeeding hardcore activists. Sometimes women have issues. Just be grateful you aren't one of them. It's a tough pill to swallow.

Selena, Nov. 4, 2006.
3. Bringing your kid everywhere does NOT make you a mother. You can choose to bring your kid where ever you go, but there are some instances where you should just go ahead and mature up. Stay at home instead of partying. Let's be realistic here. Taking your child into a drug and alcohol filled environment isn't good for anyone, especially the kid. And especially if you're breastfeeding. Common sense, guys.

Riah, May 24, 2007.
4. Getting a job "to be responsible and have an income" doesn't make you a mother. When you're a hooker and bringing your John's over to your place while your kid is in the other room isn't what I consider responsible. What happens when you pass out from your drug-induced coma (you know the one I'm talking about, where you're shooting up all the while screaming at yourself "YOU'RE WORTH NOTHING!") and the homeboy you brought into the (what should be) safe place for your kid is a serial killer? Yeah, you're all dead. Way to go.

Gabey. Aug. 30. 2010.
That's the short list of it all. I could probably go on, but I think I made my point. Doing all these things, the things society expect you to do, doesn't make you a mommy. Hell, some of it doesn't even make you female. A man can feed a kid with a bottle. A man can get a *GOOD* job. A man can tote his kid around. Why are men always the ones that get the bad rep? There's plenty of women that deserve a bad rep.

I will tell you, right now, that I don't see Riah and Dot a lot. They live mainly with their father and stepmother. There was a lot of drama and gripe and legalities and money issues and...just a lot. But does the fact that they're not with me all the time make me less of a mother? No. Not at all.

These kids all mean the world to me. I would breathe for them, die for them, do anything in my power to make sure they feel no pain. 

I set special time for each one of them aside, whether we just have the 2 kids in the house or 4, and we do things. Simple things. Dress up, playing house, having them "cook" me dinner. It all happens.

We go to the park. We go to the mall. We go to the pet store, which acts as a free zoo for them. We go on walks. We play in the yard with the dogs.

We do crafts. We take everything we can as a learning experience. We find letters in things. We count trees on a street we're driving by. We read Dr. Seuss to the point that we can recite the whole story alone without the book. We watch a lot of Dora, Blue's Clues, Nick Jr. in general. Occasionally, we throw in a classic Disney movie, though that's mainly for the adults.

Does the fact that I didn't grow one of those kids in my womb make me less of a mother? No.
Does the fact that I had to give birth via 3 c-sections make me less of a mother? No.
Does the fact that I only exclusively breastfed one of the kids for 10 months make me less of a mother? No.
Does the fact that I don't see 2 of my kids as often as I would like to make me less of a mother? No.

None of those things are determining factors in what makes anyone a mother.
But what I'm doing now? Raising the kids? Helping them grow? Being there for them? Kissing boo boos and staying up all night when they're sick or have a nightmare? I think that's what matters.

These are my kids. No matter how they came into the world or who they came out of. They're my kids.

And I love them more than words can express.

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