Christmas Traditions.

When you meet me, the first thing you'll find out is I'll cook you or bake you just about anything. No matter what.

You sad? Here, have some cookies.

You happy? Here, have some brownies.

You hungry? Here, have a burrito.

I'm good like that.

One thing you'll learn about me is that I love Christmas. I love it. LOVE it. I can't emphasize that point enough. I'm giddy for homemade Christmas tree ornaments. I adore decorating the house. Oh, Christmas movies? Forget about it. Those, I'll watch all year. 

Christmas is my holiday.

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving (as long as I'm not terribly busy) the decorations come up and Christmas throws up its metaphorical goods all over my house while my tv spews "JOY TO THE WORLD" as Clark Griswold lit up his house dedicated to the Griswold Family Christmas.

It's a tradition.

Every family has their own. We're still a rather new family. We're still working on our traditions.

But one tradition I will NOT understand is the whole Elf On The Shelf thing.

That little cartoon elf? The one on the book? That thing's cute, huh? Adorable, even.

The one in the box? Um..yeah. No. Not happening. Someone PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one.

That thing is going to use its magic to kill me off in the middle of the night.

The info on the official Elf on the Shelf website states:

The Elf Tradition

Have you ever wondered how Santa knows who is naughty and who is nice? The Elf on the Shelf®: A Christmas Tradition is the very special tool that helps Santa know who to put on the Naughty and Nice list. This interactive holiday hide-and-seek tradition is perfect for children and families of all ages.

The tradition begins when Santa sends his scout elves out to Elf Adoption Centers. Waiting for their families to bring them home, these patient elves hibernate until their family reads The Elf on the Shelf, gives their elf a very special name, and registers their adoption online. Once named, each scout elf will receive its Christmas magic and become a part of the family’s Christmas each and every year.

Excellent listeners and even better observers, these scout elves are the eyes and ears of Santa Claus. Although they cannot be touched, or else they may lose their magic, the elf will always listen and relay messages back to Santa. Taking in all the day-to-day activities around the house, no good deed goes unnoticed; these scout elves take their job seriously.

Each night, after the family goes to bed, the scout elf uses his magical Christmas powers to fly back to the North Pole. Once there, the elf will make his or her daily report to Santa and visit with elf friends where they will tell stories about their beloved families, play with the reindeer, and of course, sneak some of Mrs. Claus’ cookies!

Before the family awakes each morning, their special scout elf will fly back to their home from the North Pole. However, since these elves like to play games, don’t expect to find them in the same spot!  While some like to hide in the freezer (probably because it reminds them of the North Pole) and others prefer to sit on the fireplace mantle or hang from the chandelier, these elves love to play hide-and-seek with their families.

On Christmas Eve, the scout elf will listen for Santa’s bell and then fly back to the North Pole until the next season, wishing every girl and each boy a Christmas of peace and a year full of joy. Join the tradition and adopt your own Elf on the Shelf now!

Cool story, bro.

So this elf, you buy it, name it, read the book. It watches your kids to report back to the Big Guy on if they've been good or not. The concept alone is great. Good job, creators. 

But then this part about the elf moving? Traveling? Likes playing games? One thing is screaming out to me.

Seriously, this movie gave me nightmares for a solid week.

Now, I'm not going to lie. I've been tempted to get one for one solid reason:

I LOVE seeing the photos of the "mischief" that my friends are posting on Facebook.

Some of their creativity has me rolling. It's excellent. I can imagine the looks on the kids' faces. It would be epic.

But that doll...that..no. It's not a doll. It's a possessed form of plastic, polyester fluffing, and good intention.

It really bums me out, though, because I try to be that mom. You know which one I'm talking about. The one that volunteers for everything school related. The one that goes on 0 hours of sleep a night to make sure everything is just perfect. The one that bakes cookies and goodies from scratch. I try for that. I AIM for that. 

If that elf wasn't so creepy, it'd be in my house.

I never got to really celebrate Christmas with the whole "Santa" thing when I was younger. And as I got older, I was kind of bitter about it. It was like I was robbed of something magical as a kid. I never got to experience the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny, either. Oh, sure. I got money for losing teeth. I got gifts on Christmas. I got an Easter basket full of goodies. I didn't miss any of that. But, man, the spirit of it all? I never had it. I WANT my kids to have that. Even if it means eating a dozen cookies and finishing off a glass of milk on Christmas Eve. I DESPERATELY want them to grow with the stories of magic and wonderment and, once they're parents, to be able to enjoy those moments with their kids. 

Screw it. I'm just going to crochet a little toy figurine that was mailed here from Santa. I mean, that's a good compromise, right?

Better than looking into the eyes of that soul-less being thing that's for sale at Target for $30.

Crafts + Life Update

I'm just going to go ahead and post the pictures of the craft stuff first.

Like, my new coffee mug cozy that I free-crocheted. Not perfect, but it does its job.

And some more resin rings because I get to wear them all the time. /sarcasm

And that's the end of my crafts.

Life...is tough right now, to say the least.

We have bills. A lot of bills. A majority of our things have been shut off. In fact, I'm posting this over someone's unsecured WiFi connection.

Our vehicle isn't working right and we have the repair estimated at about $250 or so.

The kids are growing and need clothes.

To say that shit has hit the fan is an understatement.

So I probably won't be posting much. This WiFi isn't all that stable. Hopefully, I'll end up with the ability to get back on track to blogging, but I'm not sure how that'll pan out.

You'll always be my baby.

In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days,

I'll always feel the same way.

Whatever road you may be on, know you're never too far gone.

My love is there wherever you may be.

Just remember that you'll always be my baby.

Yeah. I may be tearing up. My kids are starting kindergarten.

KINDERGARTEN.

SCHOOL.

No.

Happy Mother's Day (Dr. Seuss Style)

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course, 
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH! 
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO! 



You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself 
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek, 
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course, 
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.So...get on your way!

-"Oh, The Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss.-

Thank you, kids, for making life fun, exciting, and pretty exhausting. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I don't need one day devoted to moms to make me feel special when I have 365 days with you all in my life.

That doesn't make you a mommy...

I have a problem with the world these days. A big one. A few, actually. But one in particular really hits home.

What makes a mommy a mommy.

I'm a firm believer in there being a difference in being a mommy and being a mother. Just like there's a difference between being a daddy and being a father. HUGE difference. I'm taking, the size of moon craters.

Kidlet throwback.