Now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain.

I'm unsure of how many people read this blog, honestly.

I'm also unsure of how many people read some of the same blogs I do.

But, here's what's up.

A lot of the blogs I've followed for the past couple years have been dealing with issues via Blogger. Recently:

"Wtf? My blog is deleted for no reason! What gives?"

Blogger's support team isn't very good. Honestly, anymore all you can do is post in their forum and, from what I hear, it's a dark place where you get little to know answers. What has been going on, though, is that these blogs are:

1. Getting shut down for SPAM.

2. Getting shut down for malware content.

Here's the kicker. Blogger isn't telling these blog runners WHAT or WHERE the issue is, exactly. So how are they to fix it?

Exactly.

So, The Ninja Herself is making the move to WordPress.

I'm still trying to get the feel of things over there, but for the most part I'm up and running. You can find me here:

http://theninjaherself.wordpress.com/

Free Pattern: Dish Towel Hangers

Hey everyone! Today, I have a FREE crochet pattern for you! :D This is easy enough for beginners and make a great gift paired with the best crocheted potholders ever!

These are a nice alternative to the crocheted towel toppers that are permanently stuck to the towels. Keep reading for the pattern. :)

Pinteresting: DIY Solid Perfume

When I saw this pin and clicked the picture, I didn't think it'd take me into a wormhole. Honestly. Crunchy Betty's blog? It was amazing. And I stayed on there for about a day. I was hooked. 

I knew I had to try this solid perfume thing.

So I go up to the Hob Lob to grab a 1lb. bar of beeswax. Heh. There was ONE bar marked at $4.99. The rest were somewhere like $14.99. I knew, I KNEW it was a mistake. But I grabbed it, and I took it to the register. Here's how the conversation went:

"Okay, I KNOW this is wrong. I'm in here atleast once a week-" - Me 

"Oh yeah, I know. *laughs* I remember you and your kids." - Sales Associate

"*laughs* Yeeeeah, hard to forget us. Anyway, I'm still iffy on buying this. I figured if anything, I would bring it up here so you guys could retag it correctly." - Me 

"Hang on, let me call back there." - Sales Associate

*phone calls made*

"We're going to go ahead and give it to you for the $4.99 since you're in here so much. Thanks for bringing it to our attention, though!" - Sales Associate

O.O "Okay." - Me

Moral of the Story:

Build rapport with the people working at a store you frequent, and PAY ATTENTION TO THE TAGS.

Anywho.

Over on Crunchy Betty, you'll notice that the "recipe" calls for some essential oils. This is to steer clear from the synthetic oils and all the crap they bring. However, I had no essential oils on hand and I was eager to try it, so I used some of the fragrance oil I had on hand from when I was trying out melt and pours and whatnot. It's scented in Love Spell. I can't hate on it.

For my carrier oil, I used some extra virgin olive oil and, whodathunk? This WORKED. And it works WELL. As in, this is permanently going in my purse, and I need to find more containers and some essential oils and whatnot and make more. A lot more. Because I think I'm in love with this stuff.

  Though I'm not sure how long the scent lasts after the first initial application, do it. You won't be disappointed.

Disclaimer

Grating all the beeswax will fill 2 quart sized freezer bags, but it's a royal pain. I'm not responsible for any frustrations or actions from those frustrations.

Pinteresting: DIY Shaving Lotion

I'm sure you've seen the photo strip here. I'm sure you debated it. Lucky for you, I did it. So, here goes.

So, verdict?

Mine didn't thicken. At. All. As in, it was as runny later as it was before.

However, it DOES work. It gives lubrication (hehehe) to your razor while you're shaving and it does moisturize a bit. I don't recommend using baby oil, but that's personal preference. I've used baby oil and Vaseline prior to this for different reasons, and I've had horrible skin experiences.

I'd recommend using maybe some coconut oil. That may thicken it up to a "lotion" standard. Mine is like water, almost. I can't use coconut oil due to an allergy, so I have no way of telling you if this will help or not. Also, using a thicker lotion may help, too. But give it a shot. It does work, and it lasts a good bit.

A Boy Of Many Colors.

I want to tell you a story, those who read this. A story about a boy who opened my eyes to a whole new world. A world that I'm not special enough to see.

His name is Logan.

Logan has Autism.

I've posted about him before, and his mom (Kristy). Their whole family is amazing, and have welcomed me into it with open arms and Bud Lights open.

Logan's journey hasn't been the easiest, nor has it been the hardest. And though it may be easy for you to say "Oh, gosh. Autism? I don't know how I could handle my kid going through that.", I can guarantee it's not a death sentence, it's not a national disaster. Spend a day with this kid and he will open your eyes quick.

You see, Logan gets to see the world completely different. A lot of us see it through jaded eyes, second guessing everything everyone does, doubting our every step. This boy? He gets to live. Really LIVE. He gets to see the world in all its glory. He gets to believe in magic. He gets to go out in the world and own it. In some ways, I'm jealous that he gets to be this way. I wish that we could all see it the way he does.

Logan has the greatest family he could ever ask for. And he deals with them on a daily basis, not the other way around. (Truth, the family's kind of crazy, which is why I mesh with them so well.) He's blessed so much more than any of us could even wish to be, and yet the world side steps around him because, what, he has Autism? The world is missing out. Autism IS NOT a disease. It's NOT a curse. An estimated 1 in 88 kids born have Autism. And the only thing holding them back is YOU. The "normals", whatever that means. With your big ignorance-filled hammer, you smack a label down on these kids, these tiny humans, these AMAZING children, and refuse to understand.

And that's why I'm doing the St. Louis 2013 Color Run.

http://thecolorrun.com/stlouis/

This year, they're pairing with Autism Speaks, a charity to promote Autism awareness, something the world NEEDS. Ignorance isn't acceptable. Knowledge is. Get yourself educated.

I'm blessed to have a husband who is beyond supportive of this. Not only did he put in for vacation time the weekend of, he's choosing to do it with me. This guy has terrible knees, and he's STILL WANTING to do the whole 5K. Not even for me. For Logan.

And while we'll have enough money to cover registration, I'm not sure that we will have the money for the gas to get there and back, not to mention food.

Now, I'm sure when it comes down to it, we'll find a way to make it work. This whole thing literally happened in a matter of seconds for me, and started with a random "OHAI! Let's go look at the info for maybe next year!" on a whim. This is where we need the help.

I'm not asking for much. Prayers, positive thoughts, those are excellent. But what we could really use is donations. If 100 people just donated $1, we'd have enough money for gas. No joke.

I'm not asking you to donate. I'm not begging you to donate. But if in your heart you feel that you should/could/would help, we would greatly appreciate it. Something in the universe pulled me to this. I'm meant to do this. I know it.

Help us help Autism. Help us fight the ignorance. Help us to get people to SEE.

Pinteresting - Lips Peeling DIY

I'm sure you've seen this one floating around.

http://thebeautythesis.com/2012/11/28/lip-peeling-keeps-your-lips-soft/

In theory, this is going to work great already, based on one simple ingredient.

Olive Oil.

I'm sorry, but that stuff is BEAST. I use it a lot in life, not just cooking. I should probably just go ahead and put one in my bathroom.

Well, I made a batch of this the other night. I don't have pictures, but here's the thing.

This picture shows no ratios.

If you can get your ratios right, this stuff WORKS. You mix it together, and then using your finger put it on your lips. You then use your finger or your toothbrush to scrub your lips, and rinse it off with water. Top your lips with your favorite lip balm (I like Aquaphor Lip Therapy, personally) and you're done.

And they're right. It DOES work. IF YOU GET THE RATIOS RIGHT.

I'm not even gonna lie, I had olive oil/honey/brown sugar dripping all over my chin when I was trying to use this. It was a mess. It WORKS, but it's a mess.

Suggestion? Try it. Make it in SMALL batches, maybe 1/2 tsp. at a time batches. That's about 1-2 uses, depending on how much you need to use. Play around with it. Once I can get the ratios correct, I'll edit this and post what they were.

And super serious, if you're like me and allergic to tree nuts, using olive oil is a GREAT alternative in these DIY things. I can't use coconut oil without pretty much death. Just sayin'.

It's a dark place down here.

I'm a pessimist. I'm admitting it, free and clear.

You probably wouldn't make that assumption if you met me.

I've been called many things.

Carefree. Wild. Crazy. Fun. Odd. Exciting. Hilarious. Cute. Adorable. Happy. Amazing.

But most don't know I've been called many other things.

Bitch. Cunt. Worthless. Nothing. Ugly.

Unfortunately, most of the worst things were said to me by my ex-husband. It was a toxic relationship, to say the least. My husband? He's amazing. He's a hard worker, and breaks himself everyday just to give us all maybe one extra thing. He lifts me up in every way he possibly can, and sometimes seems to go out of his way to do so. 

But me? I'm just me.

I'm a depression survivor.

Depression isn't something talked about often. And many people just don't get it. A lot hold firm that it's a desperate desire for attention, ridiculous that these people would cry all over themselves and harm themselves over something as miniscule as the radio not playing their song. I get that, because that's pretty much what it's hyped up to be anymore. It's rarely taken seriously.

Put me in a circle with 6 women who are in toxic relationships as I once was. I will, in any way, shape, and form, try to PROVE to them that they are worth so much more than that. That life doesn't have to be like this. That they need to look at themselves and realize that THEY are the only reason they need to keep going strong. They need to fight for THEM.

Put me in a room with any one of my kids and the first thing I tell them is how smart they are. I praise them on their discoveries, their advances in education, and how much they just know. I make it a point to tell my girls, all 3 of them, that they are gorgeous and never to let anyone tell them any different. They are all beautiful, inside and out, and they need to not just know, but believe this. I tell them I love them more than all the stars in the sky.

Put me face to face with my husband and I will thank him for everything he does. I'll probably give him a shoulder rub in hopes to relieve some of his tension. I'll tell him I love him more than he'll ever know. I'll thank him at random, for how he saved me. He'll probably never realize how much.

Put me in front of a mirror, and the first question I'll ask myself is why I haven't just left the world yet. Why am I still here? What's the point in getting out of bed in the morning? I'm easily replaced by hired help. I'll take harsh notice to every imperfection plaguing my body, from the random stress breakouts on my face to the stretchmarks that adorn my body after giving life to 3 amazing children who are bound to change the world. I wonder if people would honestly miss me, or the things that I do for them.  I wonder if I can even feel anymore. I crave to feel something, ANYTHING, aside from going down this wormhole of darkness that leads to nothing.

It's a personal Hell. That's what depression is, ladies and gentlemen. And the sad fact is that most of us can put a happy face on for everyone else. On the days we can't, we stay hidden away from anyone. Why would anyone want to see us, me, anyway?

Recently, I hit a whole new level.

See, parenting was one of the things I never doubted. Before every major decision, you could always find me infront of the computer, finding out EVERY possible thing imaginable before deciding. If my kids had to go through something, I was right next to them, doing the same thing. Except immunizations. They frown on getting extras of those. And I have a major phobia of needles.

Now I'm just not sure that I'm doing anything right.

Are my kids just better off without me? Would they even care? Am I even doing this right? What if the worst possible outcome happens in their future over me insisting that they just try ONE new food? Did I screw them up for life? Did I ruin their amazing future ahead of them?

These days, I peel myself out of bed. I will myself to believe that today will be a good day. I convince myself that if I just get out of bed and throw a smile on, which is now my constant necessary accessory, I can make it. I tell myself that my kids need me for more than food and the occasional diaper change (i.e. Gabey).

Look, I know, I sound like this little poser emo kid. And if you know me, this just sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. I've done this dance for many years. I know how to put up an amazing front. But here's where me and the stereotypical poser emo differ: 

I GET UP.

No matter how I'm feeling. No matter how much I don't want to face the day. No matter how much it physically hurts to know that I woke up, and that I now have to fight myself for another 10-20 hour period. I still get my ass out of bed. I'm still moving. I'm still breathing. I'm still living. And I refuse to let myself get upset about that when so many others are wishing and praying to have that same blessing over them.

Moral Of The Story

This is the face of depression.

And if I didn't tell you, there's a good chance you never would've known. 

You may find me dancing in the car, singing at the top of my lungs, or you may find me in my house, on my couch, my hair a mess, with absolutely no motivation to do anything, barely breathing.

Depression is real, and many people suffer from it without getting help because of the stigma that comes with it. Don't be one of those stereotyping people. Hug your friend or family member. Get ahold of one that you haven't talked to in a while, just to say "HI!" and let them know you're thinking about them. It's not hard, it may just take 5 seconds. But it could change the world for someone.